A Song For You
by Dylan Storm
Summary: “I've acted out my love in stages, but we're alone now and I'm singing this song for you.” A series of song fics that tie together, progressing from the dissolution of MaxLogan's relationship, to a new relationship and new beginnings with Max and Alec.
1. You Hold Me Down

**A/N:** This is a songfic to Motion City Soundtrack's Hold Me Down. My muse attacked me when I heard the song, and this is the result. It is also the first in a series of song fics that I'm writing that will progressively transform from the breakup of Max/Logan to Max/Alec getting together. I've got 9 songs so far. So keep a look out, I'll up date soon.

Oh! The next chapter will be another Max/Logan song, wrapping up what this one will introduce, and then the next seven or so will develop the relationship between Max and Alec.

I just thought that all of these songs really fit the situation.

And to clear up any confusion, the lyrics of the actual song are _in italics_. Since the song is pretty much in letter format, I had to change a few things, and add some sentences to make it seem like Max actually wrote it, so those **_are in bold and italics_**. And the story will flash back and forth from Logan reading the letter to when Max was writing it a few hours before.

God this was a long A/N. Enjoy!!!!

* * *

It was morning, and he groaned as sleep left him. The damn curtains were parted, the sun seeping into the dimly lit room. Rubbing his eyes with one hand, he stretched his other arm across the bed, searching for the warmth of her body. His hand rested on empty mattress. 

Logan propped himself up on his arms. His mind still half asleep, he blinked rapidly in surprise.

"Max?" No answer.

'_Maybe she's in the shower'_ was his first thought, but he quickly disregarded that: he didn't hear any water running. As he sat up farther, Logan reached blindly for his glasses from the nightstand to his right. His fingers brushed something while the searched, and knocked whatever it was onto the floor. Settling his glasses into their rightful position, he swung his legs over to the side of the bed, and picked up the piece of paper laying on the floor, haphazardly folded.

He had found a letter.

_I'm sorry that you were asleep when I wrote these words down,  
you'd think I'd ought to be used to that by now.  
_

FLASH BACK

Max sat on her side of the bed while Logan lightly snored from within his deep slumber. A notebook and pen in hand, she had no idea how to put her feelings on paper. If only she could be brave enough to deal with this when he was awake, but she wasn't. X5-452 was a coward.

But she was used to this. Staying up late, lying in bed, listening to Logan sleep, while her damned shark DNA kept her up to all hours. The benefit of it all, was that during those forgotten hours, she was alone. After spending all day in TC, working to keep her fellow transgenics alive, surrounded by people, the clamoring, the clatter, the arguments, Max was thankful for those few moments at night, where she was left to her thoughts.

And think she did. Events of her days replayed in her mind, memories from her childhood at Manticore, moments with Logan, times with her crew at Crash. Everything flashed through her brain at one point or another. Especially **him**.

It was why she was writing the letter. She didn't know how to communicate with Logan anymore. How could he understand? Oh, he tried. He tried so hard to be there for her, in whatever would go wrong. And things had been going wrong. The food supply was draining quickly, while new provisions were becoming scarce. As the hunger set in, the transgenics developed mood swings and grudges. Tensions was mounting between the X series and transhumans.

But he wasn't one of them. He didn't feel that connection, that thing that binds them all. Max felt it every time she looked at another transgenic, and that was the one good thing Manticore ever taught them: never abandon your unit. And they were all a unit now.

When Logan invited her over to his apartment outside of Terminal City, he didn't understand why she refused half the time. Why she didn't enjoy the pasta dinners he made, the wine they shared. She felt guilty. How could she be enjoying her self, stuffing her face, when her people were starving. Logan just didn't get it.

She had been quietly withdrawing from him the last few weeks. She felt it. With all the stress, the burdens, she couldn't take the high maintenance factor of this relationship.

Putting her pen to paper, Max tried to think of a gentle and thoughtful way to break the news.

END FLASH BACK

He read on, her script flowing across the paper, in a girly manner that one wouldn't ascribe to Max.

**_I know I've been distant lately, but _**_save for a few of those late night episodes,_  
_missed opportunities, and "I don't cares," there's not a lot that I feel obliged to share, or talk about. _

FLASH BACK

She looked around the room, chewing thoughtfully on her pen. She never would have recognized the house as Joshua's old place if she didn't know. Logan had really made himself at home, and there was evidence of her presence all over the place. Her jacket strewn across a chair, extra clothes hanging in the closet. Hair products in the shower. Little feminine qualities that spoke of her influence in Logan's life.

It would be best if she stayed away for a few days after this. Logan was going to take it hard. But she shouldn't leave her shit at his house has a constant reminder of what she'd done. Planning in her head to have Alec drop by and grab it all, she returned at once to writing. Only to scribble out Alec's name.

_My brother_. That sounds better. I don't want him to get that idea. Again. It wouldn't be fair to put Alec in the middle. _My brother_ is much more vague. I could be meaning Joshua, Dalton, any of the X-5s.

But still, when Alec comes over, Logan shouldn't be around, confrontation between of the two of them would be ugly. Because Alec would defend her decision, no matter what, and Logan would just lash out at her second in command.

END FLASH BACK

_I'll have __my brother stop by this __Saturday to pick up my things.  
_**_It might be best if you_ **_make sure you're not there.  
This may sound bad, and don't take it the wrong way...  
I love you, however, you hold me down._

_You're the echoes of my everything,  
you're the emptiness the whole world sings at night.  
You're the laziness of afternoon,  
you're the reason why I burst and why I bloom._

FLASH BACK

'Is this how I'm going to _break the news to_ him?' Max massaged her temples. Damn it, did he really deserve her shitty metaphors to describe how her feelings had slowly died out. That she no longer loved him, but the idea of him. The safety of him. And that it wasn't fair to stay if she wasn't fully committed, regardless of the guilt she felt.

Did he want her to stay out of guilt and pity? Out of a sense of duty? She didn't think so. Even if he was that desperate to hold onto what they had, she needed to get out of the cage. He needed her constantly. Whether for Eyes Only, or for whatever romantic idea popped into his head, Logan constantly drew her attention away from Terminal City, and in their position, the transgenic cause couldn't afford such a distraction. He held them down. He held her down.

END FLASH BACK

_Cancel our dinner with __**Asha** and **OC**,  
feed **Josh's **__gerbil and try to stay clean.  
We'll talk it over after I've had some time alone to sort it out. _  
_**I'm sorry it has to end like this, but I feel like**_ _you hold me down._

_**Like I said, we'll talk soon. I'm sorry.**_

_**Max.**_

FLASH BACK

There. It was done. It was crappy, sentimental, and sappy, but it got her point across. Hopefully in a way that he'd understand. That she didn't want to hurt him, but it just, somehow, turned out that way.

Slowly, silently, she slipped from under the covers. Logan snorted a bit, and rolled over on his side, still deeply asleep. She padded softly over to his night stand, and placed the letter near his glasses. As she dressed, she gazed at the former love of her life. He looked so peaceful. She couldn't bear being around when he read the letter. She could just imagine the look in his eyes, the despair. To know that she caused that, it was heartbreaking. But it was necessary.

END FLASH BACK

And that was it. She had left him. As the reality of it all slowly sunk it, the letter fell from Logan's grasp, and fluttered slowly to the ground.

* * *

A/N: My schedules a little crazy, so it might take a few days to update. So yea, read! Review! Enjoy! And, if anyone is interested in being a beta, just let me know! I'd love one! 


	2. It Ends Tonight

**A/N:** This was long! Oh lord! Oh, and excuse any typos and mistakes, I wrote this at midnight after watching a very emotional Grey's Anatomy.

So once again, another song fic, this time to It Ends Tonight, by the All American Rejects. This is the final one dealing with the dissolution of Max/Logan, and took me God knows how long to write. So please review, and tell me what you think.

I tried really hard to make the dialogue believable, and to keep Max and Logan as in character as possible. Let me know if I screwed up on anything, or if something was out of character or unbelievable.

This time there shouldn't be confusion, as I didn't have to configure the song, so the song lyrics are simply in bold and italics.

Enjoy!

* * *

It had been a _very_ long day. Max walked through the door to her quarters, threw the keys to her ninja on the table, and shrugged of her leather jacket, revealing her leather pants and red tank top. Beat, Max sunk onto her moldy, maroon couch that Alec had dug up from God knows where. 

_Rationing is a bitch._ Mentally rehashing the day, she began to take of her right shoe, moaning slightly as she freed her tired and sore extremity.

Halfway through her left shoe, Max realized she wasn't alone.

_God damn it, I must be exhausted._ Disgusted that her transgenic senses hadn't caught the intruder when she first got home, she jumped to her feet and spun towards the adjourning room.

And stopped short so suddenly, that she uncharacteristically stumbled over her feet.

**_Your subtleties,  
they strangle me.  
I can't explain myself at all.  
And all the wants,  
and all the needs,  
all I don't want to need at all._**

"Logan." He was leaning against the door jam to her room. _Her room_. Her personal space. He had waltzed into her apartment while she was out, and made himself comfortable in her home.

"What are you-"

"You said we'd talk it over," he interrupted her, "damn it Max, it's been three weeks."

The tone in his voice made her stand up straighter. Guilt racked through her. She didn't want it to end like this. But it needed to.

"I'm sorry-"

He snorted, "Not sorry enough to try and work things out. Max. A note? You left me a fucking letter." His voice became angrier and angrier, "After all we've been through, you're going to through it all away?"

That got to her. She hadn't wanted to hurt him, but she wasn't going to let him rip her apart. It was a decision that needed to be made, and he was going to have to learn to live with it.

"All we've been through? Logan, that's the entire point! I'm fed up! We wasted two years of our lives, dancing around this shit. When we were finally able to be together, it was just too late!"

"Too late?" He was flabbergasted. "You think that it's too late to make us work? Why the hell is it to late?"

She turned away from him, and walked towards the bag she had dropped by the door on her way in. "I admit, some of the blame lay with me. Manticore, living on the run, I'm not a people person. I have issues. It's hard to get close with people. But your subtleties,  
they've strangled me. I don't know how to act with you, how to fit this mold, this image, that you want me to be."

Confusion spread over his face, "What I want you to be? I've only wanted you-"

As she began to unpack the supplies from earlier, she sighed. "Logan, I don't know how to explain this all. But you want me to be someone I'm not. You may think you love me. But maybe you love what you think you can make me be. I'm not nice. I'm not gentle. I'm not a fucking hero."

"I've never thought-"

"You can't put the wait of the world on my shoulders. That may be the cross you've chosen, but I have other priorities."

**_The walls start breathing,  
my mind's unweaving.  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted,  
on this evening,  
I give the final blow._**

Logan ran his hands over his face. "Why is this coming now? Why, after six months of what I felt was bliss, do you feel this way?"

"Look Logan," she sighed, "I feel like I'm in a cage. Not that different from Manticore. They wanted something from me, they wanted me to be a killer, to be ruthless. I didn't take it from them, why am I going to take it from you? Being around you shouldn't be hard, I shouldn't dread a call from you, knowing that its more likely to be about a mission for Eyes Only, than a romantic 'I'm thinking of you.' You strive so hard to bring justice to Seattle. It's noble. But I'm not noble. I'm not a superhero, and I'm not your tool. I am not a human. And I've realized that I'm not normal, and I don't need to be."

Throwing the coat in her hands down onto the coach, she continued, "It's been over a year since the siege began, we're no where close to solving anything, and I have dozens upon dozens of transgenics showing up every week, looking for sanctuary. We're desperate to feed them, and three weeks before I wrote that damned letter, you wanted me to go steal some intel on some bureaucrat in Olympia."

"Sidel is a major crook-"

"Who at the moment has no connection or anything to do with the transgenic cause! I need to take care of my people. And when I told you that, you roped in Dalton and some other X-6s to do your dirty work."

He had the sense to look ashamed, scuffing his shoes on the floor, as he continued to lean against the door frame. "You weren't supposed to find out."

Max through her hands up in the air, "That's just it! I don't need that, we don't need that. And why would you hide that from me? If this was really working, should you have hidden the fact that you put a number of my X staff in danger, behind my back, and against my orders."

"Who told you?"

She wanted to scream! He wasn't getting it!

"Does it matter-"

"Who told you?"

Max shrugged, "Alec came to me. After you attempted to get him to lead the team, he thought it was suspicious that you hadn't mentioned me. So he checked it through me."

Logan laughed bitterly. "Of course. Alec."

"Don't go there. At least he has a sense of loyalty."

"Loyalty because he wants to get in your-"

The look in her eyes stopped him short. She had stopped unpacking, and was staring at him. "You don't have a right to say that. Alec is my second-in-command, and a major reason why Terminal City is surviving on the little it has. If you weren't selfishly continuing your fucking soap box, maybe you'd have noticed the responsibilities Alec has taken on."

**_When darkness turns to light,  
It ends tonight.  
It ends tonight._**

The anger in her voice resonated, and left him speechless.

"This, us, it all ends tonight." He opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off.

"No more. I can't take it. You can't take it. 'Cause even though you're angry, and you think that you'll never get over this, you will."

He took a step toward her, the first real movement he had made since she had come home. "And what makes you think that? What makes you think that my love for you isn't genuine? That it isn't true?" A defeated look entered his eyes, "What did I ever do to make you think that?"

Max sighed, she may be on the defensive, but she didn't want to hurt this man, who'd been such a huge part of her life.

"It's not a question of what, and why. It's simple fact: We don't belong together. Not for lack of trying, or that I don't love you, or that I didn't love you. As hard as you might try, Logan, you'll never fit in here. You'll never know."

**_A falling star,  
least I fall alone.  
I can't explain what you can't explain.  
You're finding things that you didn't know,  
I look at you with such disdain_**

"What?" The confused look on his face was beginning to become a habit during this conversation.

"You are a human. And I wish that it didn't matter, but it does. You don't understand, though you've tried so hard, on what's going on here. Why else would you plan that grab on Sidel, regardless on the fact that we needed Dalton, Jazz, Deek, and a few of the others X-6's on a supply hunt that night."

A stricken look crossed his features. He hadn't known.

"Of course you didn't know. Because you went behind my back. And took a risk to big, threatened the welfare of my people. Not only the X-6s, but all the transgenics that could have been fed with the food carried by those extra hands. The one's you took."

Logan's heart was breaking. The look on her face, when she realized he hadn't even thought of the consequences of his actions, the disdain emanating from her, made it all real. She didn't want him around anymore.

**_The walls start breathing,  
my mind's unweaving.  
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.  
A weight is lifted,  
on this evening,  
I give the final blow._**

"Logan, I think it's best if you leave me alone. Leave us all alone."

He reached out to her, grazed her arm. They were close now, and the anger had died in Max's voice. But her stance was sturdy, and her voice set. She meant it.

"Max, please." His voice broke. "I'm sorry. I was thoughtless, I didn't take time to stop and realize that my actions would carry consequences. We can make this work."

**_When darkness turns to light  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right  
It's too late to fight  
It ends tonight,  
It ends tonight._**

"No."

And that word broke his heart.

"Logan, look, insight and pretty words, pretty apologies won't fix this. I need to focus, and I need to be able to work with Alec, and Mole, and the others, without the risk that my attention will be diverted for any reason. I'm sorry."

Logan stared down into her eyes, and desperately asked, "Tell me it's not too late to fight this, to fight for us. Max, we survived your capture at Manticore, a deadly retro-virus, multiple show downs with Manticore and White."

"Logan, you're not understanding. This ends tonight. We end tonight. We've survived a lot, but now its not about our survival, but the survival of hundreds of transgenics. Who I set out into the world. This is my responsibility, they've entrusted me as their leader, and I need to do this."

He threw his hands into the air, and walked around to the couch. Logan flopped his body onto the sagging piece of furniture, and laid his head in his hands.

"Max, try and see this from my point of view."

**_Now I'm on my own side,  
it's better than being on your side.  
It's my fault when you're blind,  
it's better that I see it through your eyes.  
All these thoughts locked inside,  
now you're the first to know._**

He glanced up at her. She had shifted her weight onto her right foot and had folded her arms across her chest. Max looked at him expectantly.

"The woman I love, that I have loved for almost four years, three weeks ago up and decided that she didn't love me anymore. I know I've made mistakes, especially recently, but how can you stop loving me so fast?"

Guilt racked her again.

"I told you, in the letter. I loved you. I still love you, but you're holding me down. You're holding TC down. And over the past month or two, I've made some realizations. I used to strive so hard to be an Ordinary, to fit in. But being here with transgenics like me, and some less normal than I'll ever dream of being, it's made me realize that they are my family, and regardless of what the world thinks, we're ok the way we are. Manticore may have screwed us up, but we're screwed up together."

"Max, I've never tried to change you-"

"Logan, when are you going to realize that I'll never be that hero, the one you want me to be. Yes, I have a conscience, yes, I want to fight injustice. But I don't see an issue in stealing, we have to do what we have to do. I don't see an issue in being ruthless, in order to protect the people I care about. And I'm tired of second guessing my decisions as a leader because I think you'll pull an all high and mighty and disapprove. I don't need that clouding my leadership."

She sighed again, and sat down next to him. " I don't want to resent you. And if we keep this up, sooner or later, I'm going to. And that is not love. I care about you, but what we have, won't last. Circumstances have seen to that."

Logan didn't look at her. His head was back in his hands, and his shoulders were slumped.

**_When darkness turns to light,  
it ends tonight,  
it ends tonight.  
Just a little insight won't make this right,  
it's too late to fight,  
it ends tonight,  
it ends tonight. _**

"So I'm sorry Logan, but we end tonight. When you leave, it'll be best to leave TC alone. Don't come around, don't contact us. At least for awhile. I'm sorry, but most of my staff and the other transgenics only tolerated you because of me, and right now, they're behavior will make this all worse. So go, take a break from us. Save the world. Work with the S1W," and as much as it pained her to say, she continued, "Go see Asha."

Max got up and walked to the door. She opened it, and looked at him expectantly. Logan continued to keep his head in his hands for a few moments, and wearily, he got up, and gathered his jacket. He walked to the door, and as he passed by her, he reached out and touched her arm again.

"'Bye." He whispered.

And then he was gone. Max watched him walk away for a moment or two, and quietly shut her door. Leaning up against it, she slowly slid her back down the surface, until she sat with her knees tucked against her chest. Putting her head on her knees, Max experienced something rare, as sobs began to rack her body.

And then she cried. She cried for him, she cried for them. For the sacrifices made by everyone during this siege. For the starving transgenics downstairs. In a rare moment of vulnerability, Max let it all out. And she cried.

_**It ends tonight.**_

* * *

A/N: Enjoy? Review! Give me some feedback, some lovin'! The next song will be Blinded by Third Eye Blind, and will deal with the beginning of Max/Alec. Thanks M/A shippers for waiting through all the M/L to get to the good stuff ;)

Oh! I still need a beta! Let me know if you're interested!


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